Are you wondering if your partner will ever understand you?
Are you worn out from arguing the same way over and over, but nothing ever seems to change?
Are you starting to believe that there is no hope?
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I believe that couples often get into a destructive cycle of interacting which can be hard to recover from. When you argue, it can be tough to hear what your partner is trying to say or for your partner to understand your perspective. Sometimes, couples just want to give up, because it seems like nothing will ever change.
Many couples are afraid to start couples counseling because they may worry that doing therapy means the relationship is doomed or that it has failed. Another way to look at it might be that going to couples counseling is a way of acknowledging just how important this relationship is to you. It is worth enough that you want to try to find a new way to connect and communicate in a safe and respectful way.
Many relationships can be improved. After a few sessions, you may already notice that things feel very different.
Many couples are afraid to start couples counseling because they may worry that doing therapy means the relationship is doomed or that it has failed. Another way to look at it might be that going to couples counseling is a way of acknowledging just how important this relationship is to you. It is worth enough that you want to try to find a new way to connect and communicate in a safe and respectful way.
Many relationships can be improved. After a few sessions, you may already notice that things feel very different.
How does couples counseling work?
Usually, the couple will come in together for the first and possibly second appointment. At some point, I will see each one of you individually, though most sessions are held with both of you in attendance. In couples counseling, your relationship is my client, not each of you as individuals. I want to hear both of your perspectives. My goal is to help you to create a safe and secure bond, where you can truly be known and cared about by your partner.
There are three important components to having a healthy and enduring relationship.
Ask yourself how this feels for you.
1. Accessibility: Can I reach you?
2. Responsiveness: Can I rely on you to open up to me?
3. Engagement: Do I know you value me and will be there when I am falling apart?
There are three important components to having a healthy and enduring relationship.
Ask yourself how this feels for you.
1. Accessibility: Can I reach you?
2. Responsiveness: Can I rely on you to open up to me?
3. Engagement: Do I know you value me and will be there when I am falling apart?
The Tightrope
"When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness... Indeed the lack of emotional responsiveness rather than the level of conflict is the best indicator of how solid a marriage will be five years into it. The demise of marriages begins with a growing absence of responsive intimate interactions. The conflict comes later.
As lovers, we poise delicately on a tightrope. When the winds of doubt and fear begin blowing, if we panic and clutch at each other or abruptly turn away and head for cover, the rope sways more and more and our balance becomes even more precarious. To stay on the rope, we must shift with each other's moves, respond to each other's emotions. As we connect, we balance each other. We are in emotional equilibrium." ~ Dr. Sue Johnson in Hold Me Tight
As lovers, we poise delicately on a tightrope. When the winds of doubt and fear begin blowing, if we panic and clutch at each other or abruptly turn away and head for cover, the rope sways more and more and our balance becomes even more precarious. To stay on the rope, we must shift with each other's moves, respond to each other's emotions. As we connect, we balance each other. We are in emotional equilibrium." ~ Dr. Sue Johnson in Hold Me Tight
