Counseling for Couples:
Are you wondering if your partner will ever understand you?
Are you asking yourself how much longer you two can go on like this?
Are you worn out from arguing the same way over and over, but nothing ever seems to change?
Are you starting to believe that there is no hope?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kaye believes that couples often get into a destructive cycle of interacting which can be hard to recover from. When you argue, it can be tough to hear what your partner is trying to say or for your partner to understand your perspective. Sometimes, couples just want to give up, because it seems like nothing will ever change.
Many couples are afraid to start couples counseling because they may worry that doing therapy means the relationship is doomed or that it has failed. Another way to look at it might be that going to couples counseling is a way of acknowledging just how important this relationship is to you. It is worth enough that you want to try to find a new way to connect and communicate in a safe and respectful way.
Many relationships can be improved. After a few sessions, you may already notice that things feel very different.
Many couples are afraid to start couples counseling because they may worry that doing therapy means the relationship is doomed or that it has failed. Another way to look at it might be that going to couples counseling is a way of acknowledging just how important this relationship is to you. It is worth enough that you want to try to find a new way to connect and communicate in a safe and respectful way.
Many relationships can be improved. After a few sessions, you may already notice that things feel very different.
'What greater thing is there for two human souls
than to feel that they are joined for life
- to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow,
to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent,
unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.'
~George Elliott, in Adam Bede
than to feel that they are joined for life
- to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow,
to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent,
unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.'
~George Elliott, in Adam Bede
How does couples counseling work?
Usually, the couple will come in together for the first and possibly second appointment. At some point, Kaye will see each one of you individually, though most sessions are held with both of you in attendance. In couples counseling, your relationship is her client, not each of you as individuals. She wants to hear both of your perspectives. Kaye's goal is to help you to create a safe and secure bond, where you can truly be known and cared about by your partner.
A relationship is much like a dance, and the rhythms and habitual steps of the dance have their own momentum. Sometimes, those habits or steps can take over and cause pain. As your therapist, Kaye will help you look at the dance you are caught in and how it leaves you both hurting and frustrated. She will help you step out of the negative dance and create a new dance that is safer, closer and more satisfying. You will talk about the music of the dance: your feelings and emotions. You will learn to understand the signals that will pull your partner towards you and help you dance together -- in harmony.
There are three important components to having a healthy and enduring relationship.
Ask yourself how this feels for you.
1. Accessibility: Can I reach you?
2. Responsiveness: Can I rely on you to open up to me?
3. Engagement: Do I know you value me and will be there when I am falling apart?
A relationship is much like a dance, and the rhythms and habitual steps of the dance have their own momentum. Sometimes, those habits or steps can take over and cause pain. As your therapist, Kaye will help you look at the dance you are caught in and how it leaves you both hurting and frustrated. She will help you step out of the negative dance and create a new dance that is safer, closer and more satisfying. You will talk about the music of the dance: your feelings and emotions. You will learn to understand the signals that will pull your partner towards you and help you dance together -- in harmony.
There are three important components to having a healthy and enduring relationship.
Ask yourself how this feels for you.
1. Accessibility: Can I reach you?
2. Responsiveness: Can I rely on you to open up to me?
3. Engagement: Do I know you value me and will be there when I am falling apart?
Dr. Sue Johnson in her book Hold Me Tight:
"When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness... Indeed the lack of emotional responsiveness rather than the level of conflict is the best indicator of how solid a marriage will be five years into it. The demise of marriages begins with a growing absence of responsive intimate interactions. The conflict comes later.
As lovers, we poise delicately on a tightrope. When the winds of doubt and fear begin blowing, if we panic and clutch at each other or abruptly turn away and head for cover, the rope sways more and more and our balance becomes even more precarious. To stay on the rope, we must shift with each other's moves, respond to each other's emotions. As we connect, we balance each other. We are in emotional equilibrium."
As lovers, we poise delicately on a tightrope. When the winds of doubt and fear begin blowing, if we panic and clutch at each other or abruptly turn away and head for cover, the rope sways more and more and our balance becomes even more precarious. To stay on the rope, we must shift with each other's moves, respond to each other's emotions. As we connect, we balance each other. We are in emotional equilibrium."
"Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless-- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
To love at all is to be vulnerable. ~C S Lewis
To love at all is to be vulnerable. ~C S Lewis
Kaye practices Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. EFT is a documented method for creating loving connections, where each of you feels sure of your partner. Research shows 7 out of 10 couples who participated in Emotionally Focused Therapy couples therapy got better and continued to have strong and growing relationships even after 2 years of completing therapy. (see Johnson, S., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (A meta-analysis). Journal of Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6, 67-79.)
Kaye also works from a family systems perspective, incorporating the work of John Gottman, Terry Real and other couples therapists into her therapy practices.
Please call Kaye at 615-440-9087 to find a time to meet.
Kaye also works from a family systems perspective, incorporating the work of John Gottman, Terry Real and other couples therapists into her therapy practices.
Please call Kaye at 615-440-9087 to find a time to meet.
